by Isheanesu Dondo.
In 2012 I dropped out of university after four years of studying Biochemistry to pursue a full time art career. I was left with only a few weeks to finish the degree. This decision baffled everyone around me. Why couldn’t you just finish and then do art? What about all the money invested these past four years? No one understood that this decision was actually calculated albeit subconsciously over the years.
My Dad (a headmaster and teacher) and Mom (also a teacher) were shocked and disappointed beyond words. My relationship with them deteriorated and I ended up leaving our home in Shamva to live in Mbare (Harare) then Khayelitsha (Capetown) then back to Mbare. This became a very depressing time for me.
I started developing anxiety attacks and experiencing what I thought were hallucinations. I would sometimes look at stains and see images of paintings, sculptures or drawings. All the people around me would not see it. Maybe I was going totally mad. This was my ‘starving artist’ phase. No food, rent, hope and family. I started contemplating on suicide and with my Biochemistry experience wanted to formulate a chemically induced but painless death. Easier said than done.
In time I would come to understand that I wasn’t having hallucinations but paraedolia. Para means ‘false’ and edolia means ‘image’. This is a natural trait that all people have where one can see images on clouds, shadows etc. This tendency is amplified in children and people with anxiety and other psychological or psychiatric conditions. However, this is actually a gift to the artist’s creativity. I started taking pictures of stains and making art from them.
As fate had it, I bumped into Tapfuma Gutsa, a prolific but also eccentric and I dare say controversial sculptor. I had gone to Harare Polytechnic to consult artist Masimba Hwati. He was not in his studio so I started knocking on office doors to look for him. One door opened to a matchbox size office where a bloodshot eyed dreadlocked Tapfuma was reading some book. He asked why I was looking for Masimba. I explained that I had written an art paper that I wanted to share.
The paper was titled ‘RATS!’ and talked about my phobia for rats and how I thought I could do an art installation to overcome this and maybe treat others. Unbeknown to me, this was right down Tapfuma’s alley. He invited me to come to his studio to meet his apprentices Daniel and Ronald. A family bond was made.
So every morning I would walk from Mbare to the Polytechnic and spend the day watching the artists at work. After working hours, Tapfuma would buy some brandy and we would have long hours of art talk till dark. Some of our discussions were about geometry, hermetic philosophy, art history and esoterism. Later on I opened up about my suicidal tendencies. I got a very stern response: “I love life. Please don’t take me down that road!”
He went on to narrate his experiences, challenges and bitter moments. “But I kept going and look at the work I created”. I realized that my problems were nothing compared to his and other prolific artists. This erased my suicidal thoughts. In time I would meet other established artists in Harare. All of them had somehow gone through some torrid times. I was not alone! A new fire was lit within me.
Not every budding artist gets direct access to such prolific artists. I was very lucky. This made me think about writing an autobiography to inspire others like myself. It is called Chasing the Sun but yet to be published. Writing it was so therapeutic and I managed to get clarity from jotting down my experiences and uncomfortable emotions.
However, I realised that for some reason I have not seen autobiographical work by Zimbabwean artists. I wish to go into a library section one day and read life books by both prolific and budding artists. For some reason I feel that a lot of suicides by artists can be prevented by such efforts.
Isheanesu Dondo (b.1985) is a Zimbabwean self-taught artist and writer. A solo show of his most recent work opens on the 29th of June 2024 at Guns&Rain Gallery in Parkhurst, Johannesburg, South Africa. Dondo studied Biochemistry at the National University of Science and Technology in Bulawayo before hoosing to pursue art as full-time career. Isheanesu has a special interest is Hermetic Philosophy, Shona Religion, and Esoterism.
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